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What to Do When a Friend Assumes She's In Your Bridal Party (But She Isn't)

She might’ve had good intentions, but if a friend wrongly assumes she’s in the bridal party, here’s a way to let her down easy (without hurting her feelings)

It’s wonderful to have supportive friends — not so much when they incorrectly assume a role in your wedding. Here’s one example of an embarrassing situation that needs to be addressed in a delicate way:

A Hudson Valley bride asks...
“My fiancé and I have chosen our bridal party and they’ve all happily accepted. A friend of mine — who I didn’t ask to be included — texted me saying that, since she was sure she was going to be in our wedding party, she wanted to know what she could do before the wedding to help. I really really don’t want to hurt her feelings. What do I do?”

The Wedding Guru says...
It’s clear that you two have lots of good friends and you are very fortunate! There are several ways out of your dilemma. The easiest, of course, is to add her to the wedding party. But if you don’t want that, you can ask her to perform an honorary function at your wedding, such as reading a poem, blessing, or religious text. Explain to your friend that you have selected a special function just for her, so she would “have more to do” than just walking down the aisle — and because you trust her to fulfill her task flawlessly.

There’s no guarantee that your friend, despite your explanation, won’t be hurt. Just do your best and hope for the best. Remember how very lucky you are to have such a great group of friends!

Got more questions? Write to me at

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About This Blog

Tying the knot shouldn't put knots in your stomach, so whether you're the blushing bride, hubby-to-be, or even a wedding guest, The Wedding Guru Judy Lewis can answer all of your wedding-related questions.

This blog hails from, the one-stop resource for services and products, promotions and specials, a Regional Bridal Show schedule, Wed Shop, and links to money-saving and wedding-related Web sites.

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